To the third toe on my left foot:

I admit, I did not appreciate your contribution to my daily mobility and therefore, well-being. I would like to apologize for this oversight. It is now abundantly clear to me that you are indeed very important and I can assure you that you will be well appreciated going forward, just as soon as you return to regular duties.

You have been out of commission for six days now. For a flesh wound! I thought you were tougher than that! I have done my best to tend you diligently but can’t help but notice that you have been stubbornly unresponsive to any of my overtures and frankly, I’m plum out of ideas of what you might want. I have also tried ignoring you. You were more responsive to this approach. Bastard. Thank you kindly for your guidance.

Let me get to the point here. I am cranky, and nobody wins in that situation. I need my life back. Truce and mutual respect and all that?