I’ve been dreading writing this first post and quite effectively avoiding it for much too long. I accept that it won’t be “perfect”, or set the tone for everything else I write here, or anything else so grand.
But I don’t like beginnings very much. More precisely, I dislike being a beginner – knowing I’m not yet good at whatever it is and getting better inevitably requires allowing others see me as I awkwardly figure out what the hell I’m doing. At its root, I’d call it a fear of being foolish. My temptation is to jump into the middle and hope some combination of feverishly faking it and vagueness will buy me enough time to find my stride.
But here, and now, I want to be resist that instinct. I want to notice that thing that makes me cringe so hard. To recognize that such a strong feeling surely has something to teach me… if I can just find the courage to lean in and listen, to stay with it instead of avoiding it.
So let me be plainly honest. I have a lot of ideas about how this might go but really, right now, I’m just desperately hoping that I’m not a fool.
Thanks for checking in on my beginnings. Welcome.